I'm relapsing. Not that its surprising. But I am. I walk into the house after work and the 1st thing my mother does is bitch me out. I'm not doing stuff well enough for her. Did she ever think that maybe I'm the child that has 5 clubs, an AP class, a job, fuck up freidns (no offense) and failing attempts at happiness and a social life. But no, that can't be why. Its just because I'm not good enough. I'm never good enough. Ever. Never have been. Never will be. AH!!!!!!!! I just wanna scream. Scream and cry. This is so infuriating. Its the same thing over and over; I start to feel better, get positive, start looking toward the future and then someone brings me down. God! It happens every mother fucking single time. I just wanna kill someone. Or myself. Doesn't matter to me. As the great Gred and Forge once said, "We're not picky where we stick this thing." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I shaking right now to stay under control. My stomach is clinching, my breath heavying and my eyes filling with liquid. Why does this keep happening? Why? God!!! I'm just never good enough. Nothing I ever do will be good enough. Not for anyone.

• I'm sorry Mr(s). Teacher. I'm sorry I'm not working to my full potential. I hardly sleep at night and I cry myself to sleep most the time. Forgive me for not doing as well I could. I do what I can. Can't you be happy with that?
• I'm sorry Parents. I'm sorry that I didnt' wash that pot, or scrub that counter. I'm usually half asleep and have a migrane, Forgive me for wanting to go to bed and get at least 4 hrs of sleep. Oh God forbid.
• I'm sorry Miss Manager. I'm sorry that I didn't scrub the floors or clean the bread pans. I was trying to balance my delicate schedule and do some homework. Cause if I dont do my homework, I'll have to quit. Sorry for trying to maximize my time.
• I'm sorry Mr. Best Freind. I'm sorry I'm not the confident person you obviously want to be freinds with. But I'm falling apart at the seams here and forgive me for thinking that I would have a best freind to lean on, to help me instead of leaving me for another group, instead of telling me that our friendship will never be the same.
• I'm sorry Miss Former Best Freind. I'm sorry I can't deal with your shit and mine. I'm sorry for trying to tell you what I thought and give you advice such as getting a potential problem you have checked out.
• I'm sorry Mr. Or Miss Misc Other Friend. I'm sorry that I have problems and a fucking busy as hell life and can't always be there. I'm sorry for trying not to burden you with my problems as well and deal with them on my own.
• And last but not least I'm sorry world. I'm sorry for wasting the air that I've breathed, the food that I've eaten, the gas that I've burned and the space that I've taken. All for my meaningless useless life.

Sorry everyone. Sorry I can't be perfect.