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Name - Jesica
Age - 18

I am nothing but a drop.

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Resolve


"You have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy."
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."
---Albus Dumbledore

I've made my choice; I won't do what's easy. I'll no longer dwell; I'll live my life. And these are the reasons.
The reasons for my choice.

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Thursday, October 04, 2007

[::..Been Awhile?..::]

It's been awhile since I've used this thing. But I'm nervous, bored and just generally freaked out right now. Here's the story:

Matt Dang? That's over. I died right about the time collegee start, it just finally faded away. We chit chat via Facebook, but that's it. But there is a new boy.

Brenton Bridgeforth. *sigh**swoon*

I met him at this "Speed Dating/Freshman Meet and Greet" thing. No, hes not a freshman. He's a Junior/Senior. (He's graduating in 3 years.) He was the guy in charge of it, but beacuse there were more girls then guys, he had to participate. So once he gets to me, we start talking. We had a nice 3 minute conversation and I found in him interesting (and good looking) and apparently he found me intersting as well because when our 3 minutes were up, he suddenly announced a 5 minute break, but wouldn't let me leave. He offered to get me a snack, then we kept talking. It was very nice, it wasn't just chit chat either, it was an intelligent conversation. He's studying psycology and social work, so he's intellegent *happy sigh*

So after the break, I sneak out because the friends that had dragged me there had ditched. So I left, smile on my face and get (characteristically) on the computer. I look him up on Facebook, friend him, etc. We then start talking, here's the thread:

B: so wha are a few things which u want to do before u get too old?

J: learn Japanese, hit the three major cities of Japan (Tokyo, Osaka and Kyoto) then spend a few weeks touring the country side, taking in the culture, visting shrines and temples, etc.help to change the teaching of history. History is known as a 'boring' subject because it is usually taught as simple memorization of facts, dates and names. When really, history is much more interesting then just learning dates and things. History has the opportunity to be the best subject possible. There's debate, discussion, and analysis possible. More teachers of history need to teach intigrating those ideas. publish my own book of poetry.What about you?

B: i dont know if my list is as long as yours but...a few things are:- gettin my motorcycle ( this will be soon though, 3 yrs i believe)- take a cruise tha would tour the world- have my own practice (give me years and tha will happen soon enough)- marry and have kidsstart my lil entrepreneur thingy afta i get outta college- be an accomplish musician- skydive / bungee jump jet ski , parasail- seadiving or the easier one- learn nijiseu (didnt spell tha rite at all)- go and tango at a club - and thats about all nothin to big but its not small at allbut u say history is interesting rite? but if so then shouldnt both sides of history be taught and not just the winner's side??to make it fair and even? and memorizin' facts is wha most do in the word is it not? so why should students do any differ?

J: I think your list is larger then mine. And yours goals are practical at least. lol I'm a huge advocate for learning both sides of history. Knowing both sides is where the fun in History is. That's where the debate, discussion and analysis is. If you only know one side of the story, what can you argue? Also, I'm not saying that memorizing the facts isn't important. It's vital. But the facts should be learned not just to regurgitate them onto a test or in a paper. The facts should be learned so that you can use the facts in discussion. Also, discussion, debate and analysis helps you further learn the facts. The whole thing comes full circle. I suppose my major point is that students shouldn't learn the facts just to pass a class, but should learn them because they can use them in debate. Not only that, but use them to better understand the world we are in. Because if you understand how we got where we are, you can have a better chance of seeing where we are going.

B: so how did we get where we are?? by ur understanding of history??? well sure u can argue but will it be a good debate huh?? so wha else do u enjoy?

B: okay discard tha last message cause ha will take a minute. something tha i would like to ask u if u dont mind, would be wha made you who u are (and dont give me a few words like my life get into a lil detail por favor, gracious

J: That's not an easy question to answer. The cliche, but still true answer is my family, friends and peers. They always play an role in making a person who they are. Your family teaches you values while your friends and peers get you involved in new and different thing. But if I'm picking something other then just famiy and friends, then I guess I'd have to say that my battle with deprsesion has been a major factor in making me who I am.

B: ok wha do u plan on doin today? i'd rather talk u in person so wha time do u have open today?

Ok, so after that, we met up. He begged me to let him read some of my poetry. So we went to Cold Stone, (he didn't let me pay or open my own door) and he read some of my stuff. Then we talked again. Both about important things like "what is love, lust and like" and silly things like DBZ and Final Fantasy. The he finds out that I have never played Halo, and according to him that is just wrong, so he drags me out of Cold Stone, drives back to campus, sits me in his room and helped me play Halo.

At this point, I'm thinking "damn, what a nice guy. Ok, note to self. No likeing him." So we run into each other a bit more, talk via facebook, makes plans to meet again for more Halo, etc. After the 2nd Halo session I realize, that fuck, I fell for him. *sigh* But I say its not my point. I mean he's so wonderful. Here's some more about him:

  • Taken me out for ice cream.
  • Invited me to his room (to play Halo).
  • Refuses to let me open my own door.
  • Walks me to wherever I am going when I leave.
  • Refuses to let me pay for anything.
  • Asks about me, like genuine deep questions.
  • Helps me when I'm failing in Halo (and I swear I dont mess up on purpose sometimes! <_<>_>)
  • Used me as a pillow.
  • Worries if I'm cold or tired, or whatever.
  • Tries to make me laugh.
  • Invites me to his room for movies
  • Offered to let me take a nap in his room when I'm tired
  • Offered me a massage
  • Plays bass guitar
  • Compliments my hair
Yeah, he's pretty wonderful. Just wonderful. So latest news. Aside from the fact that about 4 other girls like him, 2 of which I'm friends with, like him. I got a new number Monday (as you all know) and I called him to tell him. (I thought that was a nice touch.) So at about 9:15, he called me and asked for help planning his haunted house in Ondrak. So he picks me up from Jaeger and during our walk from my dorm to Ondrak, he says that last week he noticed a "change" in how I spoke to him. (Odd, since we didn't really speak much.) And he asks me "what do you think about when you speak to me?" I then tell him that that was a loaded question. And he says he knows, and gives me until after Gospel Choir Thrusday (aka today at 9) to tell him. After that we work on the haunted house, then watch tv, him using me as a pillow again. ^_^

But this question had been weighing no me. WTF is this shit!?!?!??!?! I was trying not to think about it too much the last few days, but now its just an hour and a half till practice and I'm freaking. I dont know exactly what to say. I'm not gonna lie, but I'm nervous as fuck. Me + emotional honesty= BAD!!! I mean, if I can do it, this will either make or break something. Like, I have a HUGE chance of being bitten in the ass and it freightens me. I'd worried guys, like I'm starting to shake. Wish me luck, please. I wouldn't ask for this, but pray for me. Cause I need to lean to be fully honest with people so this is important on more then just a superficial level.

ttyl and hugs for all,
---Jessica

Aishiatte tsutaeatte motto soba de kanjitai no
LOVE LETTER from my heart
LOVE LETTER for your smile
uchiagetai kono omoi wo
(Loving you and saying that I want to feel more close to youI want to confess my feelings)
---BoA, Love Letter, Love Letter

Alura - 6:51 PM