[::..The Years Are Just Rushing By..::]
Today was my last day of school. My last day of being a Junior. And being my usual, history oriented self, I started reflecting on this year. And I think it goes without saying (though I'm going to anyway) that this year was interesting. Ok, I'll be honest. It was hell! Pure and simple, it was emotional, physical, mental and spiritual hell. And I'm mother fucking glad that its over! In an ideal world I could pretend it never happened and just be happy. But as a historyographer (writer of history) I feel it necessary to not only remember it, but to analyze it and learn from it. Cause if I dont I'll just do what I've done for the majority of my life: Hide everything inside and never get any better while my issues create bigger and bigger problems for me. Never again folks, never again! So heres a breakdown of the year. (To save time, and well because I'm lazy its going to just be a compare and contrast of a few major points.)
Love:
Start- Helplessly in love with my (then) "best friend" Matt Neylon. Couldnt get over him, couldnt get him out of my mind.
End- Totally smitten by fellow Subsuck employee Matt Dang. And while the names are similar, thats about the extent of their similarities. Completely over Neylon!
Work:
Start- Working crazy, insane hours and never telling my manager, MJ, no.
End- Working semi-insane hours but hate MJ and couldnt give less of a crap what she says.
School:
Start- Swamped with classes. Barley sleeping, teachers worried about me too the point that I was sent to talk to my guidance counselor.
End- Sent to see school shrink but for different reason and started to make more time to homework and sleep at the same time.
Home:
Start- Still hating the Nazi, miserable. Constant bickering, never home.
End- Still never home, but not miserable. Less bickering, and I couldnt give two shits about the Nazi anymore, etiher hate or love.
Friends:
Start- Constant fighting! Miserable. Group: Tracy, Neylon, Shaffer, Sam and kinda Marina and Emily.
End- No more fighting and dare I say happy? Group: Shaffer, Sam, Marina, Emily, Natalie. Outer group: Tracy and most if not all of Tech Crew!
Mental:
Start- Depressed. Suicidal. Hated life, hated breathing, hated existing. Low self-esteem. Introverted. Never opened up.
End- Happy. Enjoy life. Glad to be alive. (For the most part.) Opening up to people more. Letting people into my heart. Slightly more *shudder* girlie.
See? And thats just the brief version of key points. Wow! Whats summer gonna bring? What's Senior year gonna bring? How else will we change? No other way of knowing then just living. So.... Hello summer!
ttyl and kinky sex dreams for all,
---Rhodes
Times they are a-changin'
---Bob Dylan, The Times They Are A-Changin', The Times They Are A-Changin'
Love:
Start- Helplessly in love with my (then) "best friend" Matt Neylon. Couldnt get over him, couldnt get him out of my mind.
End- Totally smitten by fellow Subsuck employee Matt Dang. And while the names are similar, thats about the extent of their similarities. Completely over Neylon!
Work:
Start- Working crazy, insane hours and never telling my manager, MJ, no.
End- Working semi-insane hours but hate MJ and couldnt give less of a crap what she says.
School:
Start- Swamped with classes. Barley sleeping, teachers worried about me too the point that I was sent to talk to my guidance counselor.
End- Sent to see school shrink but for different reason and started to make more time to homework and sleep at the same time.
Home:
Start- Still hating the Nazi, miserable. Constant bickering, never home.
End- Still never home, but not miserable. Less bickering, and I couldnt give two shits about the Nazi anymore, etiher hate or love.
Friends:
Start- Constant fighting! Miserable. Group: Tracy, Neylon, Shaffer, Sam and kinda Marina and Emily.
End- No more fighting and dare I say happy? Group: Shaffer, Sam, Marina, Emily, Natalie. Outer group: Tracy and most if not all of Tech Crew!
Mental:
Start- Depressed. Suicidal. Hated life, hated breathing, hated existing. Low self-esteem. Introverted. Never opened up.
End- Happy. Enjoy life. Glad to be alive. (For the most part.) Opening up to people more. Letting people into my heart. Slightly more *shudder* girlie.
See? And thats just the brief version of key points. Wow! Whats summer gonna bring? What's Senior year gonna bring? How else will we change? No other way of knowing then just living. So.... Hello summer!
ttyl and kinky sex dreams for all,
---Rhodes
Times they are a-changin'
---Bob Dylan, The Times They Are A-Changin', The Times They Are A-Changin'
Alura - 10:50 PM
Friday, June 02, 2006
[::..Educational Hour..::]
What are the signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder?
Signs and symptoms of the manic phase (Bipolar I):
- euphoria, feeling "high"
- agitation, edginess, irritability, restlessness
- racing thoughts, talkativeness
- increased energy, sleeplessness
- inflated self-esteem; grandiosity; poor judgment
- reckless spending sprees or other activities with high potential for painful consequences
- delusions or hallucinations
- drug or alcohol use
- increased sexual drive
- aggressive behavior
- inability to concentrate well
Signs and symptoms of the depressive state:
- abnormally low mood
- sadness and hopelessness
- excessive feelings of guilt and worthlessness
- difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- changes in appetite or weight (increase or decrease)
- fatigue; changes in sleep patterns (increase or decrease)
- loss of self-esteem
- diminished interest in daily activities
- withdrawal from others
- drug or alcohol use
- suicidal thoughts, plans or attempts.
http://helpguide.org/mental/bipolar_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm
Wanna know how many of those symptoms I posses?
ALL OF THEM!!!! The last month, were I've been so happy has been almost all the signs of the manic stage. And before that was the depression stage. I live almost all those signs.
Fuck.
Alura - 9:22 PM