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Name - Jesica
Age - 18

I am nothing but a drop.

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"You have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy."
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."
---Albus Dumbledore

I've made my choice; I won't do what's easy. I'll no longer dwell; I'll live my life. And these are the reasons.
The reasons for my choice.

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Friday, November 04, 2005

[::..Looking Better?..::]

Well, last night I talked to Matt. He told me he didn't have the link to this, so I update this really emo thing and then he quotes it. I was kinda pissed that he lied to me but whatever, thats not the point. He read my update and more or less started yelling at me for what I said. He said some really nice things, they made me cry. But not necessarily bad tears. Heres some stuff he said:

genopenoleno: you know why I shrug important things you say to me off?
genopenoleno: because they are important to me too, run away from you??? never in a million years, you're too much to me even when it doesn't seem like it
jr4q9: and as i've said before, i tell u things for ur own good
genopenoleno: me leaving wouldn't be for my own good
jr4q9: how not? then u can spend ur time with ppl that actually have things in comon with u. jr4q9: really matt, what do we ahve in comon?
genopenoleno: IN COMMON-i haven't changed as a person because of them, i havn't learned how to grow as a friend because of them, and most importantly, i haven't learned to love because of them, so trust me, they aren't like my idols, at all.........
jr4q9: matthew, its not like i want this cause not having u in my life, would kill me. but really, matt, all i am to u is a drag. i'm constantly emo, i'm rude, i insult u non-stop. need me to go on? genopenoleno: you are way to hard on yourself
genopenoleno: and i can SOOOOOO win at this game
genopenoleno: i'm selfish
genopenoleno: i'm ignorant
genopenoleno: i'm obnoxious
genopenoleno: i'm never there
genopenoleno: i'm a bad friend
genopenoleno: i am worse than rude
genopenoleno: i'm horrible
genopenoleno: so there
jr4q9: u win? i think not! i'm emo, i'm depressed, i argue all the time. i never let anyone have a say in anything. i have to be right all the time. i'm pushy. and i'm easily jealous
jr4q9: i loose my temper quickly
genopenoleno: I"M SO worse
jr4q9: my moods change suddenly
genopenoleno: don't go there

Wasn't that sweet? Then later he says some bogus thing that shocked me into speechlessness for almost two minutes. I just stared at my monitor. He said:
genopenoleno: you aren't like that
genopenoleno: hell you would never even let me kiss you

All I can say is, what the fuck!? What relationship was he in!?!?! Certainly not the same one that I was in. I never let him kiss me? He never tried! And trust me, and attempt would have been more then welcomed. *shakes head* As Sam said, no wonder we didn't work out, we were obviously in two very different relationships. *sigh*

Anyway, The point I was trying to get at is that I'm feeling a little better. I've never before voiced my fear that I should leave my friends and its comforting to know that at least Matt doesn't want it to happen. Though give me two days and I'll be back to my normal emo self. *sigh*

Alura - 12:30 AM