[::..Not A Good Way To Start The Day..::]
I woke up depressed. I just felt bad, alone and unloved. All I did when I got to school was sit and stare at a spot on the wall hoping the pain would go away. It didn't. Even when my friends were sitting there I felt it. Actually, it felt worse then. I felt like I was surrounded by people, but not a damn soul cared. Not one. It got to the point that after Sam, Tracy and Matt ran off to do something really quickly, I just left. I felt overwhelmed by my loneliness and I just needed to get away. I went to the Techie Table. I'm thinking of sitting there from now on. At least there, I know no one cares and they aren't supposed to. They are the ones that are my good freinds. But with everyone else, ugh! I guess on a logical level I know that they care, but it just doesn't feel like it sometimes. It feels like they use me to either complain to, or get a good laugh from. Or they feel as if they can't stop being my freind because theres a history there. God, I feel like a drag on everyone. I should just leave them. That's the right thing to do right? Its better for them in the long run to be away from me. I told Matt to run away from me before it was too late. I think he thought I was joking. *sigh* I dont wanna leave them all. But I can't think of anything else. What else will help prevent me from dragging them all down into my depression with me? All I feel, all the time, is a great rage inside myself. I just wanna hurt someone, to scream, to shout, to break something and have someone care. I'm afraid I'll blow and I dont wanna hurt them. I care about them too much to do that. Oh God, what am I gonna do. I can't live without them. But for the betterment of them all, I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to leave.
Alura - 11:37 PM