The Reasons For My Choice

[::..What Is This Feeling?..::]

So I've been having an odd feeling lately. Its a feeling I hate, a feeling of hopelessness. I can feel that things are about to snap in the delicate balance that I have them in. I can sense that coming and I dont know what to do to prevent that from happening. I've also been having an intense feeling of lonliness and nost belonging. Even in a group situation, I dont feel like I belong. I feel like I'm slipping away from them somehow. And its not like I've had this feeling once and I'm over reacting to it. Its a feeling I have everytime I'm with my friends. I just dont feel like I belong anywhere. I feel like I'm in some kind of in between, a pergatory of friends. Ugh! I just dont know how to describe it. I'm just intensly lonely. And because of this feeling, everything else seems bland. Fics aren't as good, games aren't as fun, jokes not as funny. *sigh* I just dont know what I'm going to do. I can't stand feeling this way, its horrible. Especially because I know that I'm being stupid. I just can't explain why I feel this way, but I do. I hate it so much, I've been crying myself to sleep that past few nights, I'm really surprised that I didn't while I was at Emily's. Thank God for self-control. *sigh* I just want this to stop. I just want to be able to be happy for once. Long term happy. Is that so much to ask?

ttyl and better days,
---Rhodes

I've been looking in the mirror for so long
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side
All the little pieces falling - shatter
Shards of me to sharp to put back together
Too small to matter
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces
If I try to touch her
---Evanescence, Breathe No More, Origin

Alura - 12:27 AM