[::..The Open Door..::]
This is so insane. I'm so fucking nuts. I swear it! I really need to go get some help or something. Is it bad that I'm insanly jealous of two of my most close friends right now? Gar!!!! Its insane.
Apparently they got into a fight last night. But now their fine. My brain cant understand that concept. Its like "wait, fight means you arent talking and shit, not that you just tell each other whats annoying you and then are all batter. What the fuck?" Yeah thats what my mind is saying right now. I just dont get it. Cant get it. Gar!!!!!!!!!!!!
*punches wall* Ok, not really, but I wish I could. Cause this feeling of jealousy around then is getting on my nerves! Its like whenever I see them together I'm reminded of the great friendship they have. The kind I've never had, the kind I should have had with Neylon but was cheated out of. Its so frustrating! I cant stand being jealous of these two, but I cant help it!!!!!
Damn it all. This isnt fair. I feel so alone at times. Its just not right. Not logical. But I cant help it. Is it so wrong that I want to have someone I can go to when I'm sad? Someone I can tell anything to? Someone I know will help me when I'm down? Someone I could have gone to when my grandfather died instead of just keeping it all to myself? Is that really so wrong? So selfish? So why cant I have that? This is so.....
FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!
And definatly not fair at all. *sigh* None of this makes sense. I mean, I'm surrounded by people half the time, yet still miserable. Why cant I just be normal!!!!!!!!!!??????? I hate myself sometimes. I really do. There are only two people in my life that I can see myself being able to get that close to, but I cant get that close to either of them.
Person one is one of the previously mentioned two. And if I tried to get too close to her I'd feel like I was coming in the middle of her and her best friend and then I'd feel like a bitch. I consider what they have almost sacred. Do I look like I wanna get in the middle of that and create more drama?
Person two is the guy I like. I can talk to him freely about anything and I have told him some things before. But how odd would it be for me to try and get close to him? I mean, to him I'm prolly just that high school, wanna be asian girl he works with at Subway. I cant expect him to suddenly be there for me considering all feelings between us are onesided. On my side.
I hate this, I really do.
ttyl and better days,
---Rhodes
If you loved me
You would be here with me
---Evanescence, Call Me When You're Sober, The Open Door
Apparently they got into a fight last night. But now their fine. My brain cant understand that concept. Its like "wait, fight means you arent talking and shit, not that you just tell each other whats annoying you and then are all batter. What the fuck?" Yeah thats what my mind is saying right now. I just dont get it. Cant get it. Gar!!!!!!!!!!!!
*punches wall* Ok, not really, but I wish I could. Cause this feeling of jealousy around then is getting on my nerves! Its like whenever I see them together I'm reminded of the great friendship they have. The kind I've never had, the kind I should have had with Neylon but was cheated out of. Its so frustrating! I cant stand being jealous of these two, but I cant help it!!!!!
Damn it all. This isnt fair. I feel so alone at times. Its just not right. Not logical. But I cant help it. Is it so wrong that I want to have someone I can go to when I'm sad? Someone I can tell anything to? Someone I know will help me when I'm down? Someone I could have gone to when my grandfather died instead of just keeping it all to myself? Is that really so wrong? So selfish? So why cant I have that? This is so.....
FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!
And definatly not fair at all. *sigh* None of this makes sense. I mean, I'm surrounded by people half the time, yet still miserable. Why cant I just be normal!!!!!!!!!!??????? I hate myself sometimes. I really do. There are only two people in my life that I can see myself being able to get that close to, but I cant get that close to either of them.
Person one is one of the previously mentioned two. And if I tried to get too close to her I'd feel like I was coming in the middle of her and her best friend and then I'd feel like a bitch. I consider what they have almost sacred. Do I look like I wanna get in the middle of that and create more drama?
Person two is the guy I like. I can talk to him freely about anything and I have told him some things before. But how odd would it be for me to try and get close to him? I mean, to him I'm prolly just that high school, wanna be asian girl he works with at Subway. I cant expect him to suddenly be there for me considering all feelings between us are onesided. On my side.
I hate this, I really do.
ttyl and better days,
---Rhodes
If you loved me
You would be here with me
---Evanescence, Call Me When You're Sober, The Open Door
Alura - 2:31 PM