[::..Human Hypocracy..::]
*smacks forehead* *shakes head at self*
I've been doing well. Pulling away from people and their bull shit was going great! Then I start hanging with Tracy (not blaming her!) and I begin to remember what its like to be able to talk to someone about their problem and help them understand it.
I miss it.
I know! I'm a fucking nut job! I dont want people to use me but I'm accustomed to helping people. Like right now Sam and Marina are "talking." I have no idea what about. I mean I can guess but I have no real idea. And I somehow feel left out. Like I dont matter. At least before I mattered. I mean its really hard not to start talking to folks, especially Marina.
This is so fucked up.
I cant have it both ways. I know that! But its hard to not do things you've done for ages. So I guess I'm done with Phase One- Find Self. On to Phase Two- Reintigrate. I need to hang out with people more instead of just heading straight home all the time. Hopefully while in Phase Two, I'll find someone I can trust, then I can move onto Phase Three- Open Up. Yeah, that'll be the hardest phase.
*sigh*
I really hate being human. I know whats gonna happen. I'm gonna start hanging out with folks again and start feeling that isolated feeling again. Then I'll start getting annoyed with people and get angry again. Then I'll be back to square one.
Oh well. I gotta try sometime.
Wish me luck,
---Jessica
What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
--- Avril Lavigne, Nobody's Home, Under My Skin
I've been doing well. Pulling away from people and their bull shit was going great! Then I start hanging with Tracy (not blaming her!) and I begin to remember what its like to be able to talk to someone about their problem and help them understand it.
I miss it.
I know! I'm a fucking nut job! I dont want people to use me but I'm accustomed to helping people. Like right now Sam and Marina are "talking." I have no idea what about. I mean I can guess but I have no real idea. And I somehow feel left out. Like I dont matter. At least before I mattered. I mean its really hard not to start talking to folks, especially Marina.
This is so fucked up.
I cant have it both ways. I know that! But its hard to not do things you've done for ages. So I guess I'm done with Phase One- Find Self. On to Phase Two- Reintigrate. I need to hang out with people more instead of just heading straight home all the time. Hopefully while in Phase Two, I'll find someone I can trust, then I can move onto Phase Three- Open Up. Yeah, that'll be the hardest phase.
*sigh*
I really hate being human. I know whats gonna happen. I'm gonna start hanging out with folks again and start feeling that isolated feeling again. Then I'll start getting annoyed with people and get angry again. Then I'll be back to square one.
Oh well. I gotta try sometime.
Wish me luck,
---Jessica
What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
--- Avril Lavigne, Nobody's Home, Under My Skin
Alura - 1:21 AM