[::..To Talk or Not to Talk? That is the Question...::]
So, I'm sure I would have updated more since that last time I did if I my internet wasn't working. Trust me, there were a few times where I thought I would just lose it if I didn't get on this thing to rant and cry. That past week has had some major lows, and a few semi-highs. The shineing moment... bitching The German out. It was great, but emotionally fucked up. I cried later and shit because to yell at him, brought back suppressed emotions. *sigh* Whatever. Fuck him.
But now, I have to make a decision. Do I want to try and add something about me to the agenda for Intervention 3.0? I mean, whats the point really? Interventions, how I see them, are for conflicts between group members, and for when a members actions/attitude has become unbearable. But you see, I'm very good at hiding my depression and sadness. (Too good sometimes.) So how doI justify bringing me up? I can't. I mean, I dont have grievnces with anyone in the group. My grievences are with the situation and state of my life. I mean, what good would it do to try and talk to Matt for example. I mean, if he wanted to spend more time with me, he would. So obviously, since he doesnt, nor does he try, he doesn't want to spend more time with me. I can't force him. I can't guilt him into it. That's not friendship. I'm not mad at him, I'm mad at the situation were in. I mean, its my fault really. I more or less forced him to ask me out without thinking of the consequenced, and then when it didn't work out, I wasn't able to move on. My fault, no one to blame but me. So how can I bring something up, disrupt the little peace we have, and bring up some emo shit that is all my fault to begin with. I mean, I can't blame him for wanted to be away from me. Hell! I wanna be away from me. *sigh* So as usual, my thoughts, my emotions, will be kept mostly to myself. No one will know. Just me and this Blogger. I wonder how long I'll last? Cause I'm barely hanging on. I'm losing it. And fast.
But now, I have to make a decision. Do I want to try and add something about me to the agenda for Intervention 3.0? I mean, whats the point really? Interventions, how I see them, are for conflicts between group members, and for when a members actions/attitude has become unbearable. But you see, I'm very good at hiding my depression and sadness. (Too good sometimes.) So how doI justify bringing me up? I can't. I mean, I dont have grievnces with anyone in the group. My grievences are with the situation and state of my life. I mean, what good would it do to try and talk to Matt for example. I mean, if he wanted to spend more time with me, he would. So obviously, since he doesnt, nor does he try, he doesn't want to spend more time with me. I can't force him. I can't guilt him into it. That's not friendship. I'm not mad at him, I'm mad at the situation were in. I mean, its my fault really. I more or less forced him to ask me out without thinking of the consequenced, and then when it didn't work out, I wasn't able to move on. My fault, no one to blame but me. So how can I bring something up, disrupt the little peace we have, and bring up some emo shit that is all my fault to begin with. I mean, I can't blame him for wanted to be away from me. Hell! I wanna be away from me. *sigh* So as usual, my thoughts, my emotions, will be kept mostly to myself. No one will know. Just me and this Blogger. I wonder how long I'll last? Cause I'm barely hanging on. I'm losing it. And fast.
Alura - 1:21 AM