[::..Logical MD..::]
Ok. This post is a result of my recent uncertainty over a certain boy named Matt. And no, I don’t mean the tall, skinny, white one. This will be logical look at my thoughts, my feelings, his possible thoughts/feelings, and my options. Alright folks, here goes. (Note: when saying "Matt" in this blog, I mean Subway Matt. When I mean Matt Neylon, I'll say Neylon. Just to make that less confusing.)
Well let’s start with the obvious. I like him. Well now that that is out of the way, now to try and figure out why. For starters, he’s not really my type. Physically at least. I usually go for the aryan. What can I say? Blue eyes are hot and Nazis are haunting me. lol. Anyway. Back on topic. Physically, he’s not what I'm usually attracted to. And based on looks alone, I wouldn't date him. Good thing though, because there are more important things then looks, such as personality. He’s got a great personality. He’s an ass. A major ass! But he’s also a really nice guy. Like, you know that even if he’s being kinda mean, and messing with you, he’s still a good guy under it all. He’s also a really good listener. Granted if you don’t have him on your good side, he'll tell everyone he can find about what you say, he’s still a good listener though. He’s just got this way about him, that you just talk to him. It’s like blah, blah, blah, talking about random stuff, then boom, next thing you realize, you just told him something that some of your friends don’t even know about you yet. He just listens well. But not only that, but he’s fun to talk to. He can talk about anything, at all. He’s not afraid to voice his opinion, even if it differs from yours and he thinks in a way, so unlike what you'd expect or that you're used to. Even when we agree on things, it’s usually for sometimes vastly different reasons, and you're like "wow, never thought of it that way." Talking to him is quite refreshing. It’s like getting a new outlook on life. Most my friends all think similarly to me, no big philosophical, moral, or ethical debates there. And the main person I talk to who’s not a liberal, well, I've talked to him so much, its kinda lost its fun because I expect most of what he’s says. It’s great to debate with someone new and fun. Hell, just the fact that I can talk to him at all is good! I mean, being able to hold an intelligent conversation with a guy is very important to me. And with Matt, I can talk for hours (literally) about things ranging from future plans, to abortion, to fellow Subway employees. So what I most like about him is his ability to listen and talk. Just talking to him for half an hour at work, is more intellectually fulfilling then a 2 hour conversation with Neylon. (No offense.)
As for his thoughts or feelings, well I'm not sure. Ok, Indre keeps saying he likes me, Shaffer says we're flirting, Emily and Tracy agree. And I want them to be right. I wanna believe that all our bickering is just a Rowling esque way to release sexual tension. I wanna believe that the water fights, the turn fights, the jokes, and all the little things like refilling each other's cups, getting things for one another, voluntarily doing what the other hates, and odd glances, mean that he has feelings for me or is interested. I wanna believe it, but come on folks. I'm a pessimistic bitch. Nothing ever goes my way, and I don’t wanna get my hopes up. I mean, he is always very nice to me, well he’s an ass, but nice at the same time. It makes sense to me ok? He’s always holding the door open, getting my jacket from the back, punching me in and out, and just little things. And he does all of these things automatically. No questions asked. It could just be from habit though. I mean we work together a lot and he may just be in the habit of punching me out because he’s right there. But if I'm letting myself be optimistic, I think I have hope. I think he may be interested. He may not be sure, but I think there’s something. A something that's going both ways. I just have to be same and make sure I'm not "spinning out of control."
My options? Well the two main ones are, do nothing and ask him out. But what to do? I mean, do nothing has a point. I can be safe that way. Prevent myself from possible heart ache and/or awkwardness. But that option leaves me alone and always wondering what could have been if only I hadn't been too fearful. I've turned down way too many guys in the past year in a half, and I regret that. I don’t want this to become another regret. As for option two, well I don’t wanna be too forward. It’s always a little odd when the girl asks the guy, and I don’t wanna come off too strong. I always come off too strong. Another problem with that, rejection! I don’t fancy rejection and the more then likely awkwardness that comes with a turn down. I do have to keep in mind that I work with him. A lot! But "no day but today" right? So option two is good because, well it would end the unsure aspect of things and well, I'd be exercising my right as a female to reverse the traditional roles. (Though if I'm being honest, I'm a helpless romantic, and I secretly want some big sappy, romantic gesture. I prove my gender equality all the time; I don’t wanna have to do it now.) So since I can't decide, I'm going with option 3. Wait and see. Just wait and observe for a bit. See if he does anything, or acts differently, or anything. Get some more proof to either they he likes me or doesn't like me possibilities, then go from there. Problem with this you say? I know! If I'm "too slow!" I'll miss my chance, but for now, the waiting option seems the best one to pick. I'll just have to "listen to my heart" and go with the flow.
ttyl and later days,
---Rhodes
"Its hard not be sure, I'm spinning out of control."
---Jamie, Moving Too Fast, The Last Five Years
Well let’s start with the obvious. I like him. Well now that that is out of the way, now to try and figure out why. For starters, he’s not really my type. Physically at least. I usually go for the aryan. What can I say? Blue eyes are hot and Nazis are haunting me. lol. Anyway. Back on topic. Physically, he’s not what I'm usually attracted to. And based on looks alone, I wouldn't date him. Good thing though, because there are more important things then looks, such as personality. He’s got a great personality. He’s an ass. A major ass! But he’s also a really nice guy. Like, you know that even if he’s being kinda mean, and messing with you, he’s still a good guy under it all. He’s also a really good listener. Granted if you don’t have him on your good side, he'll tell everyone he can find about what you say, he’s still a good listener though. He’s just got this way about him, that you just talk to him. It’s like blah, blah, blah, talking about random stuff, then boom, next thing you realize, you just told him something that some of your friends don’t even know about you yet. He just listens well. But not only that, but he’s fun to talk to. He can talk about anything, at all. He’s not afraid to voice his opinion, even if it differs from yours and he thinks in a way, so unlike what you'd expect or that you're used to. Even when we agree on things, it’s usually for sometimes vastly different reasons, and you're like "wow, never thought of it that way." Talking to him is quite refreshing. It’s like getting a new outlook on life. Most my friends all think similarly to me, no big philosophical, moral, or ethical debates there. And the main person I talk to who’s not a liberal, well, I've talked to him so much, its kinda lost its fun because I expect most of what he’s says. It’s great to debate with someone new and fun. Hell, just the fact that I can talk to him at all is good! I mean, being able to hold an intelligent conversation with a guy is very important to me. And with Matt, I can talk for hours (literally) about things ranging from future plans, to abortion, to fellow Subway employees. So what I most like about him is his ability to listen and talk. Just talking to him for half an hour at work, is more intellectually fulfilling then a 2 hour conversation with Neylon. (No offense.)
As for his thoughts or feelings, well I'm not sure. Ok, Indre keeps saying he likes me, Shaffer says we're flirting, Emily and Tracy agree. And I want them to be right. I wanna believe that all our bickering is just a Rowling esque way to release sexual tension. I wanna believe that the water fights, the turn fights, the jokes, and all the little things like refilling each other's cups, getting things for one another, voluntarily doing what the other hates, and odd glances, mean that he has feelings for me or is interested. I wanna believe it, but come on folks. I'm a pessimistic bitch. Nothing ever goes my way, and I don’t wanna get my hopes up. I mean, he is always very nice to me, well he’s an ass, but nice at the same time. It makes sense to me ok? He’s always holding the door open, getting my jacket from the back, punching me in and out, and just little things. And he does all of these things automatically. No questions asked. It could just be from habit though. I mean we work together a lot and he may just be in the habit of punching me out because he’s right there. But if I'm letting myself be optimistic, I think I have hope. I think he may be interested. He may not be sure, but I think there’s something. A something that's going both ways. I just have to be same and make sure I'm not "spinning out of control."
My options? Well the two main ones are, do nothing and ask him out. But what to do? I mean, do nothing has a point. I can be safe that way. Prevent myself from possible heart ache and/or awkwardness. But that option leaves me alone and always wondering what could have been if only I hadn't been too fearful. I've turned down way too many guys in the past year in a half, and I regret that. I don’t want this to become another regret. As for option two, well I don’t wanna be too forward. It’s always a little odd when the girl asks the guy, and I don’t wanna come off too strong. I always come off too strong. Another problem with that, rejection! I don’t fancy rejection and the more then likely awkwardness that comes with a turn down. I do have to keep in mind that I work with him. A lot! But "no day but today" right? So option two is good because, well it would end the unsure aspect of things and well, I'd be exercising my right as a female to reverse the traditional roles. (Though if I'm being honest, I'm a helpless romantic, and I secretly want some big sappy, romantic gesture. I prove my gender equality all the time; I don’t wanna have to do it now.) So since I can't decide, I'm going with option 3. Wait and see. Just wait and observe for a bit. See if he does anything, or acts differently, or anything. Get some more proof to either they he likes me or doesn't like me possibilities, then go from there. Problem with this you say? I know! If I'm "too slow!" I'll miss my chance, but for now, the waiting option seems the best one to pick. I'll just have to "listen to my heart" and go with the flow.
ttyl and later days,
---Rhodes
"Its hard not be sure, I'm spinning out of control."
---Jamie, Moving Too Fast, The Last Five Years
Alura - 1:10 AM