[::..Mental Health, What's That!?..::]
Yeah, I took another mental health day Friday. Thursday had been a good day. Then my mother got home. *shakes head* I was just so pissed. Everything she said was either rude, critical, repremanding, or mocking. EVERY DAMN WORD!!! (Kinda like today when I got home.) I had to run to my room to cry at least 5 times that night before bed. I even had to run to the bathroom to cry once. (With my parents in the living room thank you very much. And to all you who have been in my house you know how close that is.) That was after my mother made fun of Evanescence. I also punched her in the face for that. The one thing that keeps me from loosing my mind totally and she makes fun of it. Kinda like she shows no respect for anything I do. I work on a treaty and the entire time I'm negotiating, she makes fun of the treaty. God, sometimes I really wish she would just die. No, thats not true; I wish I would die. I even prayed that I wouldnt wake up the next day. Of course, that didnt happen. Thanks a lot God! (And no, I dont care how blasphamous that sounds.)
What makes this even worse is that my family didnt notice. You'd think they would notice my red, puffy, watery eyes. Guess not. Either that or I've gotten REALLY good at hiding my crying. Too good I guess. *sigh*
Do I really have to go to school tomorrow? I dont wanna. That means seeing my friends and we all know how I feel about that. You know, stupid hollow relationships that wont in any was shape or form help me in life. What's the point in being friends with them again? I mean, I avoid them at all times possible. How is that friendship? Oh God! The show will be wonderful. And by wonderful I mean hell of course.
*shakes head* I'm really tired of this folks. Its not fair that I'm so alone. I dont know what I did wrong but trust me I'M SORRY! Can this pain go away now? Can I have someone in my life now? Can I be happy now? Just tell me how to make up for this and i'll do it. Cause I'm tired of being so miserable. Its not fair at all. No one should have to live like this. Crying themselves to sleep most nights, learning how to hide evidence of tears, wanting to do things to themselves, wanting to run away, wanting to die. That's not normal folks. Then again you'd think I'd be used to that. The pain and misery I mean. *sigh*
Oh and I realized today when talking to MJ, *shudders,* that I dont have a crush on Matt anymore. Its beyond that folks. I'm 17 and I've fallen in love for the second time. And yet again for a guy that doesnt love me back. And that ladies and gentleman is my life.
ttyl and better days,
---Rhodes
If I fall and all is lost
Its where I belong
---Evanescence, Cloud Nine, The Open Door
What makes this even worse is that my family didnt notice. You'd think they would notice my red, puffy, watery eyes. Guess not. Either that or I've gotten REALLY good at hiding my crying. Too good I guess. *sigh*
Do I really have to go to school tomorrow? I dont wanna. That means seeing my friends and we all know how I feel about that. You know, stupid hollow relationships that wont in any was shape or form help me in life. What's the point in being friends with them again? I mean, I avoid them at all times possible. How is that friendship? Oh God! The show will be wonderful. And by wonderful I mean hell of course.
*shakes head* I'm really tired of this folks. Its not fair that I'm so alone. I dont know what I did wrong but trust me I'M SORRY! Can this pain go away now? Can I have someone in my life now? Can I be happy now? Just tell me how to make up for this and i'll do it. Cause I'm tired of being so miserable. Its not fair at all. No one should have to live like this. Crying themselves to sleep most nights, learning how to hide evidence of tears, wanting to do things to themselves, wanting to run away, wanting to die. That's not normal folks. Then again you'd think I'd be used to that. The pain and misery I mean. *sigh*
Oh and I realized today when talking to MJ, *shudders,* that I dont have a crush on Matt anymore. Its beyond that folks. I'm 17 and I've fallen in love for the second time. And yet again for a guy that doesnt love me back. And that ladies and gentleman is my life.
ttyl and better days,
---Rhodes
If I fall and all is lost
Its where I belong
---Evanescence, Cloud Nine, The Open Door
Alura - 7:16 PM