[::..The Masquerade..::]
The Masquerade
Oh joy! A masquerade today!
What fun and games it will be
To choose the person that people see
Sophisticated or lame
Rich or peasant
Oh what to be at the masquerade!?
Fun’s what I seek.
This mask has colorT
he eyes are cut with a twinkle and outlined in a smile
It goes well with this vibrant dress
With red and gold so rich and bold
No one will know me at the masquerade.
Moving ceremoniously, almost systematically
The learned dance contains a beauty
Intricate moves, well rehearsed
All preformed with people unknownS
ecret identities
You can be who ever you want at the masquerade.
What it was at the masquerade.
A game of lies and spies
Finished now and to home I return
To my true self; to the pain I hold
Sleep now to ease the pain
Dreaming of the masquerade.
Waking up. Oh joy!
A masquerade today!
Time to choose the person that people see
A mask to hide the pain
Cause everyday is a game of lies and spies
When life is an endless masquerade.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's better? To be surrounded by people but feel isolated, alone, different, and fake. Or being alone but knowing that you made yourself that way?
I dunno the answer folks. Cause if I knew, I'd do one of those things. I cant decide. I love you all so much, I love Tech Crew and Technical Theater more then you'll ever know. But I'm just so sick of being fake. Thursday you all saw Jessica. Antsy, hurting, alone, sad, and generally messed up. Friday and Saturday you guys saw Rhodes. Falsly happy, joyous and an all around fun person. But I'm tired of being two different people. I wanna be Jessica again. I miss her. I miss being myself.
The last person to know me as Jesscia (at least for a while) was Neylon. See after reading and IM convo today, I decided to go back and reread some of Neylon's and mine old convos. And guess what? I even mentioned to him almost a year ago about the very thing I've been talking about lately. About feeling like I didnt belong. A year I've been saying this and trying to fix it. And not a damn thing's changed. The only thing I manged to do was make a better mask, make a better Rhodes. Though Jessica is still miserable.
Jessica is tired. She doenst wanna be alone anymore. She doesnt wanna hide anymore. But shes scared. Whenever shes come out shes gotten hurt. Either by parents who ignore her, cousins who sexually abuse her, friends that leave her, boy friends that toy with her heart or friends that dont support her. Shes just to scared.
But despite that all I wanna be Jessica again. I wanna stop crying so much. I wanna be happy. I wanna have someone to care about me and be there for me when I'm down. I dont wanna wear a mask, I just wanna be free.
ttyl and better days,
---Jessica
Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear
Sealed with lies through so many tears
Lost from within, pursuing the end
I fight for the chance to be lied to again
---Evanescence, Lies, Origin
Oh joy! A masquerade today!
What fun and games it will be
To choose the person that people see
Sophisticated or lame
Rich or peasant
Oh what to be at the masquerade!?
Fun’s what I seek.
This mask has colorT
he eyes are cut with a twinkle and outlined in a smile
It goes well with this vibrant dress
With red and gold so rich and bold
No one will know me at the masquerade.
Moving ceremoniously, almost systematically
The learned dance contains a beauty
Intricate moves, well rehearsed
All preformed with people unknownS
ecret identities
You can be who ever you want at the masquerade.
What it was at the masquerade.
A game of lies and spies
Finished now and to home I return
To my true self; to the pain I hold
Sleep now to ease the pain
Dreaming of the masquerade.
Waking up. Oh joy!
A masquerade today!
Time to choose the person that people see
A mask to hide the pain
Cause everyday is a game of lies and spies
When life is an endless masquerade.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's better? To be surrounded by people but feel isolated, alone, different, and fake. Or being alone but knowing that you made yourself that way?
I dunno the answer folks. Cause if I knew, I'd do one of those things. I cant decide. I love you all so much, I love Tech Crew and Technical Theater more then you'll ever know. But I'm just so sick of being fake. Thursday you all saw Jessica. Antsy, hurting, alone, sad, and generally messed up. Friday and Saturday you guys saw Rhodes. Falsly happy, joyous and an all around fun person. But I'm tired of being two different people. I wanna be Jessica again. I miss her. I miss being myself.
The last person to know me as Jesscia (at least for a while) was Neylon. See after reading and IM convo today, I decided to go back and reread some of Neylon's and mine old convos. And guess what? I even mentioned to him almost a year ago about the very thing I've been talking about lately. About feeling like I didnt belong. A year I've been saying this and trying to fix it. And not a damn thing's changed. The only thing I manged to do was make a better mask, make a better Rhodes. Though Jessica is still miserable.
Jessica is tired. She doenst wanna be alone anymore. She doesnt wanna hide anymore. But shes scared. Whenever shes come out shes gotten hurt. Either by parents who ignore her, cousins who sexually abuse her, friends that leave her, boy friends that toy with her heart or friends that dont support her. Shes just to scared.
But despite that all I wanna be Jessica again. I wanna stop crying so much. I wanna be happy. I wanna have someone to care about me and be there for me when I'm down. I dont wanna wear a mask, I just wanna be free.
ttyl and better days,
---Jessica
Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear
Sealed with lies through so many tears
Lost from within, pursuing the end
I fight for the chance to be lied to again
---Evanescence, Lies, Origin
Alura - 12:41 AM