[::..Yet Another..::]
So I'm now 100% positive that my mother doesn’t give a crap about me. I was trying to talk to her last night about my plans for school next semester and she wasn’t paying attention. Any time I spoke to her the last few days, she cut me off or changed the channel. I even brought it up and said that it annoyed me and she didn’t care. Not only does she not care about what I say or think but she doesn’t respect anything I like or want to do. She still thinks I'm going to go to Law School. She said that again last night and she had the nerve to look almost disappointed that I want to be a teacher. She’s never cared about my life and future plans before, why should she have the right to care now? That pissed me off, really pissed me off. Then she made fun of Evanescence, again. She makes fun of everything I like actually, always has. And I'm fine with that, the only thing I don’t want her to make fun of is Ev. I even tried to tell her that I hate it and she simply repeated that making fun of Amy Lee was fun for her. Further proof that my mother doesn’t give two shits what I say.
Oh another funny story. The other day Troy, my mom and I were watching TV and some mother-daughter thing comes one. Troy (jokingly) suggests we do it. My mother then comments that we dont need to cause "Jessica and I are already close." I had to keep myself from laughing. It was so funny! So ludicrously funny! As if!!!!!
But now, the final straw. I saw a quote last night about a mothers love and crap like that. Then I copied it, put it in an away message and laughed at it. Then I never logged off last night. My mother IMs me today while I was out and that’s the away message she sees. She says nothing. Not anything online or when she gets home. This pisses me off so much!!!!!!!!!! It’s not right! I have no support what so ever in this house.
And then people wonder why I cant open up to them or yell at me for not talking to them. Well I've never had anyone there for me before, not even my own mother. It’s hard to believe you will be. I've spent my life since shit started when I was 3, learning to hide my emotions and tears. I've been alone since then, I don’t know how to open up. But I'm so tired of being alone, so tired of crying, so tired of being cold, I'm just tired.
I guess shrinks are right it does all start with your mother.
ttyl and better days,
---Jessica
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life they belong to
And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
---Anna Nalick, Breathe (2am), Wreck of the Day
Oh another funny story. The other day Troy, my mom and I were watching TV and some mother-daughter thing comes one. Troy (jokingly) suggests we do it. My mother then comments that we dont need to cause "Jessica and I are already close." I had to keep myself from laughing. It was so funny! So ludicrously funny! As if!!!!!
But now, the final straw. I saw a quote last night about a mothers love and crap like that. Then I copied it, put it in an away message and laughed at it. Then I never logged off last night. My mother IMs me today while I was out and that’s the away message she sees. She says nothing. Not anything online or when she gets home. This pisses me off so much!!!!!!!!!! It’s not right! I have no support what so ever in this house.
And then people wonder why I cant open up to them or yell at me for not talking to them. Well I've never had anyone there for me before, not even my own mother. It’s hard to believe you will be. I've spent my life since shit started when I was 3, learning to hide my emotions and tears. I've been alone since then, I don’t know how to open up. But I'm so tired of being alone, so tired of crying, so tired of being cold, I'm just tired.
I guess shrinks are right it does all start with your mother.
ttyl and better days,
---Jessica
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life they belong to
And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
---Anna Nalick, Breathe (2am), Wreck of the Day
Alura - 8:40 PM