[::..Not What I Expected..::]
Today was one messed up day at work. I almost cried several times, it was nuts. But later I was totally happy. And all cause of Matt. And worse, I cant even hate him for whats happening to me. Its not his fault that I'm nuts, and he doesnt return my feelings.
Its the 2nd week in a row where talking on the phone to his friends has been more intersting then talking to me for like 80% of our shifts. I know its stupid to over react over this, but oh well. I just cant help but think its a sign or something. I was so upset, like this was his way of telling me that he doesnt care about me like I do him. I got all emo and depressed cause I felt that I had no shot and had offered my heart to the wrong person, again. Like I said, I almost cried a few times. I just wanted to die or something. I was so upset I almost started yelling at him. I wanted to so bad. I just wanted to yell about him toying with my emotions and ignoring me and how much I love him.
Instead I got kinda shirty with him a few times, and I was really quiet. I couldnt even look at him for a while and I kept sighing and walking away from him and trying not to be near him at all. It was nuts And I think he could tell, cause I'm NOT quiet and I DONT give up opportunities to stare at him or be near him. But then towards the end of our shift he sat with me in the front and we talked and shit. I didnt get any response on the coning or my hair. (which truth me told I wanted him to like. Oh well I work with him Tuesday and he better say something then to redeam himself.) And suddenly he was all helpful, like he knew I was getting pissed/hurt/whatever. *sigh* But at least I finally have a game plan on how to handle MD.
Plan:
Its the 2nd week in a row where talking on the phone to his friends has been more intersting then talking to me for like 80% of our shifts. I know its stupid to over react over this, but oh well. I just cant help but think its a sign or something. I was so upset, like this was his way of telling me that he doesnt care about me like I do him. I got all emo and depressed cause I felt that I had no shot and had offered my heart to the wrong person, again. Like I said, I almost cried a few times. I just wanted to die or something. I was so upset I almost started yelling at him. I wanted to so bad. I just wanted to yell about him toying with my emotions and ignoring me and how much I love him.
Instead I got kinda shirty with him a few times, and I was really quiet. I couldnt even look at him for a while and I kept sighing and walking away from him and trying not to be near him at all. It was nuts And I think he could tell, cause I'm NOT quiet and I DONT give up opportunities to stare at him or be near him. But then towards the end of our shift he sat with me in the front and we talked and shit. I didnt get any response on the coning or my hair. (which truth me told I wanted him to like. Oh well I work with him Tuesday and he better say something then to redeam himself.) And suddenly he was all helpful, like he knew I was getting pissed/hurt/whatever. *sigh* But at least I finally have a game plan on how to handle MD.
Plan:
- Start to give up on him. Or at least try to think of him less. Hard to do, but I just want to not get my hopes up more then they are. Right now they're pretty low and I think thats more realistic.
- Read Dateable while hes in Florida. I know that sounds desperate, but hey I got the book for my b-day so I might as well read it and try to put it to use right?
- Confront him. I know, I know, you dont believe I'll do it. But I will. Once he's back from Spring Training, I'll confront him. Just be like "Ok, sry if this gets awkward but I need to know. Is there, or has there ever been, a chance of us getting together?"
I know, easier said then done. But I'm so absolutly fed up with this shit. I mean, now I'm starting to dred working with him which is NOT cool. I need things straightened out. I need answers. I'm a sagittarius. Its in my nature.
ttyl and better days,
---Jessica
Step back and get some distance from the current situation instead of fretting over what you think you did 'wrong' and 'right.' The conditions are changing, and you need to be able to adapt.
---Yahoo! Horoscope for Sagittarius
Alura - 11:05 PM