[::..Cut It Loose..::]
As many of you may have heard, I was conducting an "experiment" the past week or so. No one knew what it was except Shaffer. I didnt want a lot of opinions ruining the data. I had to be sure about this. This was important. This effected my love life, social life and employment.
If you havent guessed yet, it had to do with Matt. But not in the traditional sense. Let me give you the back story that started all this.
Wednesday Night at Work. Matt walks in with three of his friends. Yeah, it was kinda annying, especially cause I was gonna ask him to Prom but it didnt bother me too much. I figured I was just getting used to it and could ask later. So after a while they leave and Matt and I work and chit chat until John and (who I call cause I dont know his name) Quiet Guy come in. So hes sitting talking to them and I'm grabbing the sauce bottles and I hear John say something like "You had a half-naked girl in your bed!"
My first thought was "Ok TMI, I didnt need to know that." By the time I go back out there to grab a few more bottles, John addresses me. He tells me that in Florida some girl with a boyfriend even got into Matt's hotel bed. And he didnt do anything, not a thing! Apparenly cause he actually "cares" about her.
My response was to say that perhaps Matt was an idiot. Then it hit me. I wasnt crying inside. I felt a bit of discomfort, prolly mostly from the fact that I really didnt need to know this. And that if I was meant to know, Matt himself would have told me. But I wasnt about to ball my eyes out, I wasnt uber jealous.
And then it hit me. I may be over Matt Dang. But I couldnt just let one day, one event answer that. No I decided to test my theory. So I put Prom out of my mind and went to work.
The next day at work I was gonna surround myself with him and gauge my reactions and compare them to my reactions at the hight of my feelings. Problem being, we were so busy we hardly talked. No such luck then, I couldnt fulfill my experiment if he wasnt around for me to talk to. So I took Sam's shift for today, Easter and got to work.
We were dead today you see. Our busiest hour was a 10. The rest of the time was like 2 or 5 or something like that. We must have talked for... geeze of the 5.5 hours I was there, prolly 4-4.5 hours. Our work took no time but for a bit he was on his phone. But mostly, it was undisturbed Matt Dang time.
We talked about everything from scary moves, to Indre, to marriage/sex, to BBQ Sauce. Yeah, we have a wide range of topics we talk about. And well, I enjoyed it immensly. Truely I did. Our talks are always an interesting look into the male mind. As well as being entertaining and stimulating. But I didnt feel very many twinges of emotion. I didnt find myself staring at his ass. I didnt want to jump him.
Dont get me wrong, hes still one hot asian. As well as being entertaining and interesting. But I think I'm over him. Or at least beginning to be. I think that now, I can not constantly think about him and how much I love him but still not hate him. I can work with him more or less free of emotion but still enjoy his presence. Its an amazing idea.
With Neylon, it was either love or hate. But with Matt.... I think I can just be his friend yet still care for him deeply. I still find him interesting, but I no longer crave a relationship. If for some reason he decided he'd like to try something, I'd think about it. But thats not top on my list anymore. None of this is 100%. I've thought I was getting over him before. But a few months later my emotions burst back up, stronger then ever. But for now, I'm fine with where I am.
I still dont know the full extent of how this works for our friendship/co-employment and what not. I just realized it not too long ago. And a few days of questioning cant beat a year and a half of love. But still, its a step towards being free. I think I still love him/care for him deeply, but I'm less obsessed. And with time, I may completly get over him. Who knows. All I know is that my obsession is over. I can just be Matt's friend now. Maybe even pursue hanging out with him without fear, cause hes an entertaining guy and I wonder what it would be like to hang out with him outside of Subway and my emotions.
I dont know where this will lead me. But I'm ready face whatever comes by way in the form of Matt Dang. Friendship, co-employment, relationship or nothing. Who knows but let whatever may come, come.
ttyl and kinky sex dreams for all,
---Jessica
"What's comin' will come, an' we'll meet it when it does."
---Rubeus Hagrid, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
If you havent guessed yet, it had to do with Matt. But not in the traditional sense. Let me give you the back story that started all this.
Wednesday Night at Work. Matt walks in with three of his friends. Yeah, it was kinda annying, especially cause I was gonna ask him to Prom but it didnt bother me too much. I figured I was just getting used to it and could ask later. So after a while they leave and Matt and I work and chit chat until John and (who I call cause I dont know his name) Quiet Guy come in. So hes sitting talking to them and I'm grabbing the sauce bottles and I hear John say something like "You had a half-naked girl in your bed!"
My first thought was "Ok TMI, I didnt need to know that." By the time I go back out there to grab a few more bottles, John addresses me. He tells me that in Florida some girl with a boyfriend even got into Matt's hotel bed. And he didnt do anything, not a thing! Apparenly cause he actually "cares" about her.
My response was to say that perhaps Matt was an idiot. Then it hit me. I wasnt crying inside. I felt a bit of discomfort, prolly mostly from the fact that I really didnt need to know this. And that if I was meant to know, Matt himself would have told me. But I wasnt about to ball my eyes out, I wasnt uber jealous.
And then it hit me. I may be over Matt Dang. But I couldnt just let one day, one event answer that. No I decided to test my theory. So I put Prom out of my mind and went to work.
The next day at work I was gonna surround myself with him and gauge my reactions and compare them to my reactions at the hight of my feelings. Problem being, we were so busy we hardly talked. No such luck then, I couldnt fulfill my experiment if he wasnt around for me to talk to. So I took Sam's shift for today, Easter and got to work.
We were dead today you see. Our busiest hour was a 10. The rest of the time was like 2 or 5 or something like that. We must have talked for... geeze of the 5.5 hours I was there, prolly 4-4.5 hours. Our work took no time but for a bit he was on his phone. But mostly, it was undisturbed Matt Dang time.
We talked about everything from scary moves, to Indre, to marriage/sex, to BBQ Sauce. Yeah, we have a wide range of topics we talk about. And well, I enjoyed it immensly. Truely I did. Our talks are always an interesting look into the male mind. As well as being entertaining and stimulating. But I didnt feel very many twinges of emotion. I didnt find myself staring at his ass. I didnt want to jump him.
Dont get me wrong, hes still one hot asian. As well as being entertaining and interesting. But I think I'm over him. Or at least beginning to be. I think that now, I can not constantly think about him and how much I love him but still not hate him. I can work with him more or less free of emotion but still enjoy his presence. Its an amazing idea.
With Neylon, it was either love or hate. But with Matt.... I think I can just be his friend yet still care for him deeply. I still find him interesting, but I no longer crave a relationship. If for some reason he decided he'd like to try something, I'd think about it. But thats not top on my list anymore. None of this is 100%. I've thought I was getting over him before. But a few months later my emotions burst back up, stronger then ever. But for now, I'm fine with where I am.
I still dont know the full extent of how this works for our friendship/co-employment and what not. I just realized it not too long ago. And a few days of questioning cant beat a year and a half of love. But still, its a step towards being free. I think I still love him/care for him deeply, but I'm less obsessed. And with time, I may completly get over him. Who knows. All I know is that my obsession is over. I can just be Matt's friend now. Maybe even pursue hanging out with him without fear, cause hes an entertaining guy and I wonder what it would be like to hang out with him outside of Subway and my emotions.
I dont know where this will lead me. But I'm ready face whatever comes by way in the form of Matt Dang. Friendship, co-employment, relationship or nothing. Who knows but let whatever may come, come.
ttyl and kinky sex dreams for all,
---Jessica
"What's comin' will come, an' we'll meet it when it does."
---Rubeus Hagrid, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Alura - 6:59 PM